Departure #2

This morning, I awoke at 7:51. After going to bed at midnight and being sick for the last few days, I was surprised and even excited to wake up feeling great. I got up and opened up my sewing machine. To my amazement, C & J came in and played around me. They were as good as gold...as if they knew what today was working itself into – another departure. Several times, I was thankful to God for the peace in our home despite "departure hour" closing in on us and the necessary military chaos in the front room.

In the next 1.5 hours I sewed rank on three hats, fixed the improperly sewn velcro base on a military provision cap and sewed our last name onto the rucksack. As I was sewing the hats, I would have a child wear it into the living room and ask Dad to approve it. At one moment, I was struck with an odd thought. One of those "slow motion picture" moments, where time seems to freeze itself in your mind. What if one of these hats returns to me...without its owner. Will I remember this moment?

Sending the one you love off to war is such a bizarre experience. The strangest things pop into your mind at the most serene moments...as if to test your resolve – to unearth your deepest fear so that you can roll it over in your hands and examine it...wonder at it...possibly even begin the unthinkable...planning for it with a “what if?”.

The kids came completely unglued shortly after Dad left. It was almost two hours past their nap time and we had all been holding ourselves together. A meltdown was imminent even if he wasn't leaving. As C sat shrieking over some ridiculous thing, I teared up a bit. She and J were both taken aback by this. J even asked me why I looked and sounded "like that". It struck me at that moment that we will all have irrational moments in the coming months and we just need to be patient with one another. I will have to clue my parents and other caretakers into this as well. God help me if others are not patient and understanding with my children during this time. I am not certain I will be kind or filled with grace at those moments.

I am engaged in a study right now on the Psalms of Ascent. Ps 130:6 sticks out to me now when the author is speaking about how "the watchmen wait for the morning, MORE than watchmen wait for the morning". While the text is speaking about how the author waits for the Lord, I realize now that I will be also be waiting for this "season" to pass as much as a watchmen would be waiting for the first streak of sunlight to grace the morning sky. In that sunbeam is a message, "Job well done. Now go and rest for tomorrow is another day with mysteries and challenges of its own." Yes. I will be anxiously, prayerfully awaiting that day.